Searching for my Destiny

I have been trying to be as strong as I can. It's time I find my destiny I have been dealing with full blown depression and keeping it quiet. I don't talk about it with my parents anymore because I'm trying to keep the atmosphere light. On the upside I am going to sign up for Karate tomorrow morning I'll make sure I'll get up bright and early.

My sleep patterns have been really off lately and my eating habits are poor.
I'm eating less somedays and other times I'm eating more which is not healthy. I'm not active I don't get out the house much.

I'm starting to feel a little sick. I don' t tell my family this because they have other things to be concerned about. I need to find a way to keep it underwraps. I always ask for too much so I need to try and walk through the fire on my own.

I'm hurtin' like hell emotionally right now but I have to get through it. I can't even cry if I wanted to that's the sad part and I'm seriously considering taking down my facebook I'm addicted to it. I update every few hours I can feel that people get annoyed by that and by me. I'm gonna really push myself and not be on it too much.

Even though its a great site to keep in touch with others but there has to be a limit there's one person that's removed me from their list which is a huge wake up call! I'll try really hard not to update too much even when I try to talk to so-called family members they will log off with a nano second. I'm like WTF???? I now know who do delete from my list on facebook.

DARKNESS

I'm losing self control and

has I look into the future all

I see in darkness.

I am invisible like

the wind.

I am trapped like a bird

in a cage.

I am blinded by

the darkness in the world.

I have nothing to live

for and nothing to gain but

the pain that dwells

within.

The darkness haunts me

like a ghosts that wants to

take my soul.

I have nothing to live for and

I can see nothing

but the darkness.

The darkness is like a blackhole

and I see no one but me alone

and wanting to end this

thing called life.

My life so far

WOW!!!! I haven't been on here in ages well back in 2008 I've been diagnosed with a social disorder called Non-verbal which means I have trouble understanding the big picture. I over analyze, I don't understand facial expressions and I have trouble making friends in new social situations. It effects me academically as well mostly in math and some other subject areas. I am going to a technical college in April I hope I get in but until then I will be looking for a job. It's a new year I may not be setting resolutions because I never follow through. I do wanna improve my social life. I will post the video I did about my disorder maybe later on today. In terms of my life I want it to be fast pace its always in slow motion and it's a little hard being social while have a problem that doesn't let anything go untouched. I have to be serious and to start to walk my talk. I can go on like this anymore so I have some serious soul searching, and I have a boyfriend who loves me for me. It'll be two years in March since we've been together and I love him he is so honest and caring.